i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
