I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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