I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
