i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
