She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
