they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
