I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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