we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
