U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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