i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
