Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i already hear my dad disowning me
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
