I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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