apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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