i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
