dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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