My underwear smells like fireworks.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
