I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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