Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize