thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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