A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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