i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
