this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
