he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize