.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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