The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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