so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
