Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize