So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
