your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
