Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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