i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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