explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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