Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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