ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
