I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
