Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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