I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize