did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
