You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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