Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
