Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
