Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
