What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
