I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize