I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
