No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
