i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
