i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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