you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He's on the porch naked. Help.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
