i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
