How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
