my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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