my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
