spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I think I have vodka in my lungs
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
