the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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