I think i peed on brittanys purse
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
