I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
