So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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