Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
