dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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