I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
