she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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