Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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