Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
