whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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