"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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