Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
