So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
