im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
